| THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION | |
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+4my little friend Rumble {KAN} skinman {kan} Lady of Winter {KAN} 8 posters |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
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| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Wed 22 Dec 2010, 5:44 pm | |
| Two pals were out hiking one day....
When they came upon an old abandoned mine shaft.
Curious about It's depth...they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it hitting the bottom....
But they heard nothing.
So...they got a big rock....
threw it in and waited....Still nothing.
They searched the area for something larger still and came upon a large metal fence.
With great difficulty...the two men carried it to the opening of the mine shaft and threw it down.
While waiting for the sound of it hitting the bottom...
A rather large goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!.
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them.
He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area.
They told him that it couldn't have been more than five minutes ago that one had just jumped into the mine shaft right in front of them.
"Oh No'....replied the man.
"That couldn't be my goat....
Mine was tied to a fence". | |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
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TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Wed 22 Dec 2010, 6:20 pm | |
| Upon entering a fashionable restaurant....
A couple saw a sign proclaiming it to be....
"THE WORLD'S MOST SANITARY RESTAURANT".
The waiter came to their table and used a pair of tongs to hand them the menus.
All of the silverwear and place settings were also placed on their table using tongs.
When they questioned the waiter about this....
he indicated tongs were used to perform all service functions and was the primary reason the restaurant claimed to be so sanitary.
During the meal...they noticed the waiter had a piece of string hanging out from his fly.
The husband called the waiter over and asked about it.
The waiter explained the string was tied to his Bobby so... when he had to urinate...he used it to pull it out of his pants without having to touch it which made things even more sanitary.
The couple were impressed with all these sanitary procedures.
However...after a few minutes... the husband with a puzzled look on his face..again called the waiter over and asked.....
"I'm curious about something.
How do you manage to get your Bobby back in your trousers ?".
The waiter replied....
"With the tongs ...sir". | |
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Mono {KAN} Member
Number of posts : 3177 Age : 61 City/Country : Stockholm Sweden   : Moderator
: Forum Admin
: Raqe quitters anonymous Fav MP game : L4D2 Fav MP map : N/A Fav SP game : N/A Xfire : U R Xfired!!! TeamSpeak : I'm too shy Registration date : 2007-10-05
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Thu 23 Dec 2010, 2:28 pm | |
| FIRST TIME SEX
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents .
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time .
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms . He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour . He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex .
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack . The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all .
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door . "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated . The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head . A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down .
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy . Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious . '
The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist. | |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
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TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Sun 26 Dec 2010, 10:05 am | |
| This Tiger....
Woke up one bright and sunny morning feeling great.
He felt so powerful that he went out...
cornered a small monkey and roared at him.
"Who is the mightiest of all the jungle animals?".
The poor quaking little monkey replied...
"You are...of course..no one is mightier than you".
A little farther on the tiger confronted a deer and bellowed out.
"Who is the greatest and strongest of all the jungle animals?".
The deer was shaking so hard it could hardly speak...but managed to stammer.
"OH great tiger...you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle".
The tiger... on a roll...then swaggered up to an elephant that was quietly munching on some weeds...and roared at the top of his voice.
"Who is the mightiest of all the animals in the jungle?".
At this...the elephant grabbed the tiger with his trunk...picked him up...slammed him down... picked him up again...shook him until he was just a blur of orange and black and finally threw him violently against a nearby tree.
The tiger staggered to his feet...looked up at the elephant and said....
"Hey!...big guy!....there's no need to get so wound up just because you don't know the answer".
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
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TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Mon 27 Dec 2010, 12:25 pm | |
| A door to door salesman....
had suffered a really tough day and decided to try just one more house before heading home.
he knocked on the door...determined that this time he was going to make a sale.....
He could almost taste it.
A wee boy opened the door and the salesman started in with his sales pitch.
The boy just stood there speechless...staring at him.
The salesman...seeing that he wasn't getting anywhere...asked the boy where his mother was.
The boy didn't say a word...he just pointed upstairs.
The salesman went up the stairs...opened the bedroom door...and found the boy's mother in bed with a goat.
Completely flabbergasted.......the salesman slammed the bedroom door shut and charged back down the stairs.
He grabbed the little boy by the shoulders and yelled....
"Don't you know what's in bed with your mother?
Don't you know what they're doing?.....doesn't it bother you?".
The little boy looked at the salesman...shook his head and answered......
"Na-a-a-a-a-a-a".
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
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TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
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TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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Rumble {KAN} Member
Number of posts : 3385 Age : 64 City/Country : Virginia, USA   : Moderator
 : Forum Admin
Fav MP game : Black Ops Fav MP map : No preference TeamSpeak : Yes ! Registration date : 2007-10-05
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
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TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Tue 11 Jan 2011, 10:16 am | |
| A builder...
Goes to the doctor and says...
"DOCTOR...can you help me?....
I'm constipated".
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says...
"Lean over the table".
The construction worker leans over the table and the doctor whacks him over the bottom with a cricket bat......
then sends him to the bathroom.
The builder comes out a few minutes later and says.....
"Doc..I feel great...what should I do now?".
The doctor replied.....
"Stop wiping your bottom with cement bags". | |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Fri 14 Jan 2011, 2:31 pm | |
| What's the difference....
between a fish and a mountain goat?.
One mucks about in fountains.....
.......................................................
After being granted a divorce....
on the grounds of her husband's infidelity...
A woman was forced to move out of the house she had lovingly looked after for twenty two years.
She spent two whole days packing her belongings into boxes..crates and suitcases...and then on the third day the removal men came to collect her things.
That evening...she sat alone in the house for the last time...preparing herself a final farewell meal of prawns and caviar...which she ate by candlelight at their beautiful dining room table.
She was sad but bitter...too...and at the end of her meal she went into every room and placed a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollows of the curtain rods.
She then tidied up the kitchen and left.
When the husband moved back in with his new girlfriend...
All was bliss for the first few days.
then slowly the house began to acquire a strange smell.
They tried everything to get rid of it...cleaning...mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Pest exterminators were called in to set off gas cannisters...
which made such a mess the couple had to move out for a few days...and replace all their expensive wool carpets.
But still the smell persisted...nothing worked.
After a while...friends stopped coming to visit...repairmen refused to work in the house...and the maid quit....fearing for her health.
Eventually they could bear the stench no longer and decided to put the house up for sale.
But prospective buyers were immediately put off by the smell and...despite the price being greatly reduced...several months later they had still not managed to sell it.
Things were so bad that they had to borrow a vast sum of money from the bank in order to purchase a new home.
Word of their misfortune reached the ears of his ex-wife who called to ask him how he was doing.
When he relayed the saga of the rotting house....
she listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly.
she suggested that she would even be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting her beloved house back.
The husband almost bit her hand off and the paperwork for the transaction went through quickly.
He and his girlfriend congratulated themselves on finally finding a mug happy to take the horrible...stinking house off their hands and they smiled smugly as they watched the removal company pack up everything to take to their new home.
And just to spite his ex-wife.....
They even took the curtain rods!. | |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
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TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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Mono {KAN} Member
Number of posts : 3177 Age : 61 City/Country : Stockholm Sweden   : Moderator
: Forum Admin
: Raqe quitters anonymous Fav MP game : L4D2 Fav MP map : N/A Fav SP game : N/A Xfire : U R Xfired!!! TeamSpeak : I'm too shy Registration date : 2007-10-05
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Sun 16 Jan 2011, 12:50 pm | |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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Mono {KAN} Member
Number of posts : 3177 Age : 61 City/Country : Stockholm Sweden   : Moderator
: Forum Admin
: Raqe quitters anonymous Fav MP game : L4D2 Fav MP map : N/A Fav SP game : N/A Xfire : U R Xfired!!! TeamSpeak : I'm too shy Registration date : 2007-10-05
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:16 pm | |
| Today's word is................. Fluctuations...
I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too" | |
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Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Sat 29 Jan 2011, 1:37 am | |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
| Subject: Re: THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION Sat 29 Jan 2011, 11:03 am | |
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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skinman {kan} Member
Number of posts : 3169 Age : 76 City/Country : over here   : Clan Member
Fav MP game : left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak : yes. Registration date : 2008-05-04
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| THE UNOFFICIAL "OFFICIAL" PUBLIC JOKE SECTION | |
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